TAMPA, FL — Preparing for what airport officials warn will be “a record-breaking crush of humanity” during the upcoming holiday travel rush, Tampa International Airport announced Thursday that several airlines will now offer a new seating tier called Economy Minus, a fare class designed to “dramatically increase capacity by treating passengers more like soft, pliable cargo.”

Under the new system, Economy Minus customers will no longer receive standard seats. Instead, they will be carefully folded and placed directly into reinforced overhead bins by trained flight crew staff.

“You’ve heard of Economy Plus,” said TPA spokesperson Mark Albright, addressing reporters from the congested Airside C terminal. “Economy Minus is the opposite. You don’t bring baggage — you are the baggage.”

Albright then demonstrated using a volunteer, who curled into a modified overhead compartment while two attendants gently pressed his knees toward his chest until the latch clicked. Witnesses said he looked “content but vaguely apologetic,” similar to someone pretending they’re fine during group yoga.

Airlines operating out of Tampa say the new tier will allow them to fit an additional 38 passengers per flight, though FAA documentation describes Economy Minus customers as “human items stowed in accordance with manufacturer guidelines.”

Passengers who book the fare must agree to several terms:
No carry-on items.
No requests for legroom.
No attempts to exit the compartment during turbulence.
No asking how long the flight is — “time becomes conceptual in Economy Minus.”

While the FAA has not officially endorsed the practice, a spokesperson admitted the agency “has seen Tampa do weirder things,” citing the time they let the terminal C Chili's employees direct air traffic during the government shutdown last October and November.

Some travelers seem enthusiastic.

“For $59 one-way to Newark on Christmas Eve, they can crumple me like a Publix receipt,” said Brandon resident Kelly Suarez. “It’s still more comfortable than the middle seat.”

Others remain skeptical.

“I asked if I at least get a complimentary water,” said Tampa native John Reilly. “They said yes — if I can catch it with my mouth when they mist the bins.”

Internal airline documents reveal future plans for Economy Minus Ultra, in which passengers will be gently stacked in the space where the beverage cart normally goes.

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