CLEARWATER, FL — Organizers of the Clearwater Beach Sand Sculpture Competition shocked locals this week by announcing a brand-new category: “Tasteful Nudes.”

The category, which event officials describe as “a celebration of the human form, provided it’s at least 40% buried in sand and not too graphic for children,” will debut at next year’s competition.

“We want to keep the event family-friendly while also raising the level of artistic expression,” said event director Cheryl Morton, who clarified that competitors must use only their hands, buckets, and a deep respect for Michelangelo’s David. “Think more Renaissance museum, less Daytona Beach spring break.”

Strict Rules for Decency

According to the official rulebook, sculptors will be required to:

• Strategically place sand buckets or seashells over “troublesome zones.”
• Ensure all nude figures appear to be pondering, reclining, or gazing wistfully into the Gulf.
• Refrain from incorporating “tacky details,” such as thong imprints or beer cans.

Children’s areas will be “strategically cordoned off with tasteful dune grass” to prevent accidental exposure to sandy nipples.

Artists Divided

Some veteran competitors embraced the change.

“As an artist, I’ve always felt constrained by the traditional dolphins and mermaids,” said sculptor Greg “Sandman” Walters, who has already begun workshopping a reclining Venus of Botticelli with a strategically placed starfish. “Finally, I can show the world that sand has curves.”

Others worry the shift will alienate families.

“Last year my kids saw a sand replica of SpongeBob riding a jet ski,” said concerned parent Lydia Grant. “Next year, do I have to explain to them why SpongeBob has abs and no pants? Because I’m not ready for that conversation.”

Tourist Impact

Local businesses, however, are optimistic. Clearwater Chamber of Commerce predicts a 40% increase in foot traffic, as art enthusiasts from around the world flock to the beach to see “the world’s first sandy Playboy Mansion.”

Meanwhile, hotels are preparing “Eros & Erosion” vacation packages, promising beachfront views of “sensual grains in motion.”

Future Plans

Morton hinted at potential expansions, including a “Postmodern Nude” category where artists may simply pile sand vaguely resembling a human torso and call it a commentary on body image.

“We’re not just pushing the boundaries of sand,” Morton said proudly. “We’re pushing the boundaries of good taste.”

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