Crescent Lake, St. Petersburg, FL- In a stunning reversal of  sense and decades of peaceful scenery, the City of St. Pete has approved motorboat access to Crescent Lake, a minor urban oasis previously  known for its views, birds, and joggers.

City officials cited “recreational equity” as the main reason: “If millionaires on the Gulf get yachts, why can’t Midtown residents have jet skis in a retention pond?” asked Parks Commissioner Peter Pierson, moments before a pontoon boat got stuck in cattails.

The rollout has been… less than smooth.

Local residents awoke Tuesday to the sound of twin 75-horsepower Evinrudes ripping across the lake's shallow waters, producing huge waves. An elderly couple was spotted attempting wakeboarding lessons with supervision from their CrossFit instructor grandson. Eyewitnesses say the flamingo was the only casualty.

Birdwatchers are reportedly furious. “This was once one of the best places to go birding,” said longtime birder Jeanette Holloway. “Now it's a party destination.”

When asked whether the city would consider reversing the decision, a spokesperson said they were still collecting “data” and encouraged feedback.

Meanwhile, the lake is being prepped with slalom markers for Crescent Lake’s first new "Thunder in the Basin" boat race, scheduled for next weekend—pending Coast Guard approval.

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