PINELLAS COUNTY, FL — The Florida Department of Governmental Efficiency (DOGE) is bringing its signature brand of fiscal watchdogging to Pinellas County this week, targeting egregious misuse of public funds on pizza parties.

DOGE officials, armed with spreadsheets, clipboards, and crushing seriousness, say the crackdown is part of their mission to “trim the fat — literally – on office pizza parties.

“Every dollar spent on a pizza party is a dollar not spent on asphalt, pothole repairs, or buying us more clipboards,” said DOGE spokesperson Brenda Carbuncle at a press conference held in a break room where the vending machine had been emptied “for an efficiency infraction.”

“Our audits reveal that extra toppings are regularly treated as an essential government expenditure.”

According to preliminary findings, at least four county departments in the last fiscal year held pizza parties “under the guise of team-building,” some costing as much as $500.

One particularly damning invoice included the notation ‘extra garlic knots,’ which DOGE investigators have flagged as “grossly inappropriate.”

Under the new guidelines, DOGE hopes to push new, statewide compliance mandates: government-funded pizza parties will require pre-approval from DOGE’s Office of Nutritional Austerity, limit attendees to one slice per person, and include a purely decorative salad“visibly larger than the slice” on each plate.

The response has been polarizing.

“I come to work every day to serve my community, and the pizza party was the only joy I got out of civil service,”said Angela Dunn, a Pinellas County parks employee.

Fiscal hawks, however, are thrilled.“If you can’t motivate your workforce without a pizza party, maybe you shouldn’t be in government,” said local taxpayer advocate Ron Blakely, who admits he was never invited to any office parties.

"Let this be a warning to other districts," declares DOGE's CFO. "If we don't find out about the pizza parties during the first audit, we will find out during the second or third audit."