ST. PETERSBURG, FL — Calling it “an irreplaceable monument to human suffering,” local preservationists are petitioning the city this week to formally designate the Pinellas County DMV building as a protected historic landmark. The movement comes as city officials explore ways to streamline DMV processing.

“This DMV has crushed more dreams and tested more patience than any other site in Pinellas County,” said activist Meredith Clarke, standing proudly in front of the beige cinderblock structure. “To walk through those flickering fluorescent lights and smell that faint mix of toner ink and despair is to experience living history.”

Preservationists argue that while other buildings have been demolished and redeveloped into condos, the DMV’s broken ticket machine, perpetually sticky floors, and 1970s waiting chairs remain exactly as they were when the building opened. “You can still feel the ghosts of teenagers who failed their driving tests here in the ’80s,” said Clarke. “That’s sacred.”

Longtime residents echoed the sentiment. “I’ve wasted entire workdays waiting here to get a license plate sticker,” said St. Pete native Bill Parsons. “My father wasted days here. Someday, my children will too. You don’t just tear down that kind of generational trauma.”

Opponents of the landmark designation insist the DMV is ugly, depressing, and fundamentally dysfunctional, but preservationists insist that’s exactly why it’s worth saving. “If we lose this building, where will future generations go to feel truly insignificant in the eyes of government bureaucracy?” Clarke asked.

At press time, city officials confirmed that the landmark application itself had been placed in a processing backlog and would be reviewed in approximately 14 to 18 business years.

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