Hailing it as “a historic leap forward for public transit,” the Pinellas Suncoast Transit Authority unveiled its newest bus route Monday: a line that runs from downtown straight to the vast parking lot of Derby Lane, the old greyhound track on Gandy Boulevard.

“This is about accessibility,” said PSTA executive director Carla Simmons, speaking at a ribbon-cutting ceremony. “Now, every resident has a direct connection between the heart of downtown and this incredible lot.”

The new route, dubbed Route 727, operates twice daily — once at 4:15 a.m. and again at 11:47 p.m. — and offers no shelters, sidewalks, or lighting at its terminus. Riders are advised to “bring their own folding chairs, bug spray, and ideally a ride-share app.”

Local commuters expressed skepticism.
“I just wanted to get to Tyrone Mall,” said rider Gloria Hernandez, standing alone beside a dumpster at the Derby Lane stop. “Instead I’m stranded in the middle of nowhere next to three raccoons fighting over a chicken bone. The bus driver wished me luck and sped off before I could ask a question.”

Officials touted the $14 million price tag as “money well spent,” with most of the funds reportedly allocated to glossy brochures, four decorative benches placed nowhere near actual stops, and a state-of-the-art electronic countdown sign that perpetually reads ‘Arriving in 1,293 minutes.’

“This is the future of public transportation,” said Simmons, as the inaugural bus drove off without picking up a single passenger. “Will you use this line? Probably not. But the important thing is: it exists.”

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