ST. PETE BEACH, FL — In a move city officials are calling “an innovative approach to economic recovery,” St. Pete Beach announced plans this week to add 14 new tolls along Gulf Boulevard in an effort to “filter out casual visitors and attract only the most committed tourists.”

“We’re not trying to scare people away,” said city spokesperson Megan Lafferty at a press conference held near the Don CeSar’s valet entrance. “We just think the kind of traveler willing to pay $9.75 every quarter-mile is exactly the kind of person who truly appreciates our community — and our beaches — from a financial standpoint.”

The new tolls will be located at key intersections throughout the city, including entrances to parking lots, the Publix parking lot exit, and, controversially, the crosswalk near Ricky T’s. In addition, locals will also be required to pay each toll, as city council recently voted to classify all residents as “domestic micro-tourists.”

“Locals are tourists too, if you think about it,” said Councilmember Rick Hughes. “They live here, but they also complain here, spend money here, and occasionally get sunburned here. It’s only fair they pay their share.”

City planners defended the decision, noting the revenue from the new tolls will go toward hurricane recovery, traffic enforcement, and a new $4.6 million “Welcome Center” that most drivers will have to pass six toll booths to reach.

Not everyone is convinced.
“I drove two blocks to pick up a sandwich and got charged three times,” said resident Denise Whitaker. “By the time I got home, I’d spent $38 and still didn’t have mayo.”

Others worry the changes will further hurt tourism.
“My family came down to relax,” said Ohio visitor Doug Werner, whose rental car reportedly triggered eight toll sensors in 10 minutes. “Now I owe $62 and I haven’t even seen the water yet. We just wanted to go to Caddy’s. How are there tolls in the parking lot?”

Despite backlash, the city insists the plan is a win-win.
“If you can afford the tolls, you deserve the beach,” said Lafferty. “If not, there’s always Treasure Island.”

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