ST. PETERSBURG — A St. Pete woman is at the center of a growing interpersonal crisis after allegedly spending an entire afternoon at the beach without posting a single photo.

Emily Garza, 29, reportedly packed a cooler, applied SPF 30, and walked the length of Pass-a-Grille—but failed to produce even a single sunset pic, drink-in-hand selfie, or captionless panoramic story with Jack Johnson playing faintly in the background.

Family and friends are reeling.

“She says she went,” said cousin Marissa, “but I’ve scrolled her Instagram twice. No wide-brim hat. No tide-chasing feet. Not even a ‘Vitamin Sea’ pun. It’s deeply suspicious.”

Sources close to Garza claim the outing was meant to be a “phone-free recharge,” a phrase many of them described as “dubious.”

The situation escalated when Garza texted the family group chat, “Had a great beach day!” with zero supporting evidence. Her father replied with a single thumbs-up emoji and later admitted he “didn’t believe a word of it.”

Theories began to swirl. Was she at a dog beach with no dog? Was it actually Coquina Key Park? Did she just drive to a Publix parking lot and play wave sounds on YouTube?

Digital forensics offered little clarity. Her last known location was a Dunkin’ on 4th St N. The trail goes cold after that.

In an effort to verify her whereabouts, a task force of amateur aunties has begun scanning beach cams for any visual confirmation.

“All we’re asking is a little peace sign by a dune fence,” said her mother, who now suspects Emily has “never even liked the beach at all.”

As of press time, Emily maintains her story and insists it was “actually really nice to be present in the moment.”

The public remains unconvinced.

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