For thrill-seekers tired of the stale options of hangovers, sunburns, and food poisoning, a new frontier of gastrointestinal adventure has opened in the form of the Tampa Bay Tiki Boat Booze Cruise.

The floating barge—essentially a thatched-roof hut bolted to a pontoon and stocked with bottom-shelf rum—promises customers “an unforgettable experience,” which participants say is true if you count projectile vomiting into Tampa Bay as unforgettable.

“It’s really a one-of-a-kind opportunity to dehydrate yourself while simultaneously overhydrating the fish,” said Captain Rick “Skipper” Dalton, as he piloted the bar through waters shimmering with what he assured guests were “natural, non-toxic algae blooms.” “Most people can get hungover at home, but here, you can get hungover, seasick, and sun-poisoned all at once.”

Passengers, many of whom showed up already holding White Claws, described the cruise as a blur of Jimmy Buffett covers, neon-colored cocktails, and strangers coughing in close quarters.

“I thought I just had motion sickness,” said passenger Amy Weller, clutching a plastic souvenir cup shaped like a flamingo. “But it turns out I caught the same stomach bug as everyone else on board. Honestly, it was the most bonding experience I’ve had in years—we all vomited in unison like it was karaoke night.”

Local health officials have urged caution, noting that the boats operate in waters where “swimming is not recommended” due to bacteria levels, though owners argue that guests rarely make it into the water intentionally.

Despite complaints of dizziness, nausea, and a mysterious rash shaped exactly like the tiki boat logo, bookings remain full through the fall months.

“Everyone says they’ll never do it again,” said Dalton, polishing a novelty pineapple glass. “But they always come back. Something about rum in 95-degree heat really speaks to people.”

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